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The title of this post is probably not completely discriptive of the content. But, it was the best I could come up with to explain the process of communicating your point effectively when you encounter a conflict or a disagreement with someone regardless of their underlying temperament.

Here are my givens.

The argument is a lost art.

Most debate today quickly degenerates into screaming matches and physical altercations.

This should sadden you, because nothing so trains, sharpens and hones the mind as a healthy debate.

I once had a platoon leader who would solicit me to ague against his choices for the method of carrying out the logistics of our mission. He said it helped him find and correct the weaknesses in the mission. I believe this is one of the reasons successful business leaders do not surround themselves with “yes men”.

So, I do pick the occasional academic debate and one such follows here.

A colleague and I were have an exchange about business and marketing which strayed into consumer rights. He and I are in different camps on some bits and he did make over simplifications. His argument is simple, elegant, visual and doesn’t allow for rebuttal. This makes it beautiful for any debate.

Here is his argument, as I understood it.

A car company can move its factories to Mexico and, claim it’s a free market.
A toy company can outsource to a Chinese subcontractor, and claim its a free market.
A shoe company can produce its shoes in southeast Asia, and claim its a free market.
A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes, and claim its a free market.
We can buy HP printers made in Mexico.
We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh.
We can purchase almost anything we want from 20 different countries.
But, Heaven help the elderly who dare to but their prescription drugs from a Canadian pharmacy…That’s called UnAmerican!

Again, I know this is an oversimplification and an homogenizes of many complex and unrelated ideas. But, as an argument in and of itself it is quite eloquent.

I love the way it takes accepted concepts as the seed and grows into a forest of seemingly supported conclusions.

I plan to analyze it and adopt it for use the next time I have a set topic for debate. The Achilles heel of this format is that it doesn’t lend itself well to on the fly debate. It is more suited to a planned argument. However, it capitalizes heavily on the desires of each of the fundamental temperaments.

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According to ancient legend,  Socrates was walking along the road between is home and the market to buy his daily ration of bread and cheese. As he walked along an acquaintance (who was also a notorious gossip) caught sight of him from some distance away and immediately began hurrying toward Socrates. At the acquaintance breathlessly and smiling greatly  approached Socrates he began to tell him a bit of gossip.

The exchange went something like this.

“Socrates! Socrates! You must hear this. There is something I must tell you about one of your students. You won’t believe it.”

At this point Socrates held up his hand to still the acquaintance and said, “My but you seem terribly excited and delighted. But, I can also see from the slant of your grin that you also feel that some of what you wish to tell me may not be wonderful. So before you begin your news I will ask you three questions. If your news passes this worthiness test, I will buy you a meal and we will sit together as you tell me all about it.”

The acquaintances smiled even wider. For one he had not had breakfast and the meal would be welcome. For another, his bit of information was so juicy he had no reserves that it would easily pass the worthiness test. And so he said, “Ask you questions Socrates. I am ready to answer.”

Socrates nodded in agreement and began with the first question.

“Friend, can you tell me with complete confidence that this information is absolutely true. And by this I mean did you personally witness the event of which you wish to tell me?”

The jaw of the acquaintance dropped and he assumed a somewhat anxious demeanor as he said,”Well, no. I didn’t actually see it. But, I have it from a very reliable source!”

Socrates replied,”Oh well don’t worry about it. I have two more questions that will allow you to tell your tale. Here is the next question,”Is what you are about to tell me a positive thing that ads value or goodness?”

At the questions the face of the acquaintance fell and he began to sputter, “Good?! No it isn’t good, but that is why you need to know…..?

Socrates raised his hand again and said, ” Yes, of course. I’m sure you are correct. If there is something bad happening that I can do something to help or improve I should certainly know about it. So, this brings us to my third and final question. Is there anything I can do about what you are about to tell me?  Or will the information at least be of use to me in improving the situation?”

The acquaintance was completely crest fallen and puzzled at his inability to share his bit of gossip as he said, “No, no, I don’t think there is anything you could really do about it. But…”

At this point Socrates interrupted and said, “I can see you are busy and have much on your mind. I’ll run along and let you get on with your day.” Then Socrates turned and went along his way to the market.

I enjoyed this lesson from the first time I heard it (though it was always in pieces). And I have often thought about the temperament of wise Socrates to devise such a cunning filter to eliminate his exposure to pointless gossip.

Let me summarize the scenario here.

Socrates stymied the gossip with the following filter test. An answer to no to any question ends the discussion.
1. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me is absolutely true?
2. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me is good?
3. Can you assure me that what you are about to tell me will be useful to me?

With this philosophy, what do you think Socrates temperament was?

It is now full spring and the Choleric temperaments among us are really ticked off at the loss of control everyone is experiencing. So, I am throwing out a life preserver.

If you are having difficulty coping with all the things you must accomplish here are 7 tips some of the most effective managers rely on to maintain their sanity.

• Identify your goals and determine the resources needed to achieve them.
• Get to know the needs of the people around you, and find out what drives them.
• Review your own behavior to determine if there is sufficient knowledge, skill and motivation to complete the tasks you have set.
• Delegate tasks and responsibilities to your support network.
• Set clear personal expectations.
• Seek coaching to improve your performance and development.
• Prepare for the unexpected.

In order to understand how to interact with boys (and men) we must have a fundamental understanding of how the brain of a boy differs from that of a girl.

Here are a few facts you may wish to consider in relation to the male brain.

Why doesn’t he listen?

1. Girls have more chemicals (oxytocin and estrogen) that have an impact on the use of words than boys. Girls learn more than boys by talking and so gravitate toward it.

Why won’t he tell me how he’s feeling?

2.The female brain utilizes more neural pathway and brain centers for language processing and expression of experience, emotion and cognition through words.

What could he have been thinking?

3. Boys’ frontal lobes are generally less active than girls at early stages. Thus boys tend to make more impulsive decisions than girls.

How many times do I have to tell him?

4.Girls will need less time to memorize school items, particularly in written form, than boys. The hippocampus works differently in girls than boys.

Why doesn’t he remember what I was wearing?

5. The male corpus callosum allows less cross talk between the right and left brain hemispheres than does that of the female.

Couldn’t he tell by the tone of my voice?

6. Better listening and detailed memory storage of girls are due to their stronger neural connectors in the temporal lobe. Boys pick up less auditory data, particularly in relation to “tone of voice” information.

Why does he pop channels so much?

7. The male brain may automatically place itself in “rest state” in order to recharge, often resulting in “zoning-out” or dozing off in class.

You now have the secret to the male mind. Use your power wisely.

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Recently a lot has been written to argue against the work of Dr’s. Michael Gurian and Leonard Sax about the negative environment which now exist for American males (especially black American males). No matter what theories of gender plasticity tell you the following statement can’t be argued.

1. Educational programs have been designed away from curriculum which incorporated accepted differences in the male and female courses. Although, these actions were taken with the best of motives (Title IX) they have had a devastating effect on the male population of our schools.
2. At four days of age, girls spend twice as much time as boys making and maintaining eye contact with care givers. Development of the visual cortex is apparent even at this early age.
3. By four months of age, girls are more likely to be able to distinguish between a familiar individual and a stranger.
4. Male babies are more likely to spend time visually tracking moving objects than girls.
5. Girl babies are more likely to turn their gaze toward a caregiver who enters the room than boys.
6. Girl babies focus intently on the words spoken by a care give and boys do not. This demonstrates the greater development of the brain centers connected to language in girls.
7. Boys are more likely to use toys as leaning tools (banging on things, pulling off doll heads) than girls.
8. Higher levels of oxytoxin in girls increase the likelihood girls will form bonds with toys and objects rather than using them as tools like boys.

Ignoring these truths are no less detrimental than ignoring the truth of fundamental human temperament differences.

Evil Child

We love our children. In fact, Americans may love their children too much if over indulgence is an indicator of love (which it isn’t). Even though we love our children we often don’t understand the motivation for half of what they do.

Last week I conducted a training on class management and the temperament of children. One of the participants was a VIF (Visiting International Faculty) from South Africa. By most indicators, other than being a little rigid in conversation, she was your average middle aged middle class white lady. She informed me that American children (All Americans?) were suffering from the following maladies:

• Selfishness
• Irresponsibility
• Demanding
• Self centered
• Oblivious to the needs of others

Seeing this as an opportunity to problem solve, I began to list these manifestations of behavior on a flip chart. I nudged the participants along to come to the consideration that each of these characteristics were closely tied to the inability of many children to meet their underlying needs for Affection, Control and Inclusion in an acceptable and productive manner.

As this was a good point for a break I explained that the next segment would look at practical ways to help students meet their needs in productive and positive ways and we took 5 minutes to stretch and hydrate.

After the break I noticed the VIF teacher, who had raised the question didn’t return.

The class continued on quite well and many participants were able to find practical strategies and techniques to address the manifested behaviors. But, I wondered, what became of that over stressed teacher who was convinced that American children are evil.

Is it possible that the evil person you must deal with simply doesn’t understand the Godly ways in which they can get their needs met?

Greater as a whole.

Have you ever wondered how much further your would be along on your success goals if you were just more like Mr. X, or even Ms. Y?

The answer is, (drum roll please…) no further along.

You see, the (but certainly not the ONLY) answer lies in the essence of the question that becoming more like another is changing your underlying temperament. And, although you may be able to manifest the behaviors of another temperament the turmoil it would cause you at your core self would be too great a price to pay.

So, rather than attempting to emulate or compete with the behaviors of another temperament why not build/join a temperament success team which capitalizes on the strengths of each of the temperament types?

In order to function at the optimum benefit level for each member you truly do need a Choleric, a Sanguine, a Melancholy, a Phlegmatic and a Supine. And you have to enter the endeavor with the following collective understanding:

• This is a team/group endeavor we sink or swim together.
• We help each other grow and we applaud the success and growth of each member.
• We must each contribute our strength to insure the achievement of the group and individual goals.
• Communication must be open, trust must never be violated, leadership must be fluid, decision making must be shared, conflict must be addressed no matter how apparently small.
• Systematic reflection on how the group can function more effectively for the benefit of each individual and the whole of the group must occur on a regular scheduled basis.
• Those who choose to behave contrary to the good of the group and each individual in the group are no longer a part of the group.

I realize the severity of the final statement above. However, it is essential for the ultimate success of all that no one individual undermine efforts of any.

Are you interested in building such a cohort of collaborators? Would you like more information in how to go about the establishment of such a positively motivated group?

The belief that effort pays off in terms of greater success (Bernard Weiner 1972, 1983) is not the commonly held belief of most people In fact, most people attribute greater success proportionally in order of significance to the following hierarchy:

• Talent/Ability 
• Connections/Other People
• Chance/Luck
• and finally Effort

As you can see, effort is typically perceived as the last and least significant factor.

The reality is that the first four of these beliefs actually inhibit the achievement of success. If you believe ability to be the ultimate key to success you will inevitably encounter a skill at which you do not have the greatest ability. In fact, belief that you have only specific skill set abilities will cause you to sabotage yourself when presented with circumstances that require a different or unique skill set. Cholerics often fall victim to this pitfall.

If you believe that other people are the primary cause of success is inherently destructive when the individual finds they must work alone. Sanguines and Supines suffer most from this misconception.

Belief in chance or luck also has hazards. What happens “when your luck runs out?” These are the dreads of both the Melancholy and the Phlegmatic.

This brings us to two generalizations we can make about the concept of Effort in relation to success.

1. Not everyone comprehends the importance of believing in the power of effort. Not everyone readily accepts that enhanced effort pays off in enhanced achievement. Hence the many programs available that taut the slogan “work smarter not harder.” In fact direct effort has a direct effect on success relative to that effort (Seligman 1990,1994).
2. We can learn to change our beliefs to emphasize the importance of effort in success. Added effort will pay off in terms of enhanced success (Craske 1985). Those who embrace the relationship between effort and achievement actually achieve more than those who adopt work smart strategies. 

 Sports figures Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger and Pete Rose come to mind.

Can you share a temperament of tenacity story?

Snake oil 

Bad temperament counseling is a branch of bad counseling. It should be easy to identify bad temperament counseling from good counseling but it isn’t. The problem is smooth words can interfere with our ability to discern good information from bad information.

How many charlatans have there been? Over the years many have taken advantage of many more by manipulating the need for good counsel of those who had that need.

Are the following on your list?

• tea leaves
• phrenologists
• astrologers
• tarot readers
• bone throwers

Not even those who are supposedly credentialed providers are above pressing their influence over those in need. What about the famous Dr. Lichtman who bilked insurance companies out of over $3 million in 1996?

There are a few signs to be alert for when consulting a temperament (or any other) counselor.

• promises to find an absolute solution
• treatment plans that last for years rather than weeks
• counselors who begin session without an analysis
• counselors who offer you solutions to some one elses behaviors

What are the signs of a “Good” Temperament counselor?

• Someone who takes a full case history beforebegining counseling
• Someone who conducts a temperament analysis before begining counseling.
• Someone who talks in terms of meeting the following needs in a appropriate manner
  • Affection
  • Control
  • Inclusion
• Someone who speaks to you about help in 10 sessions or less rather than in years of therapy.
• Someone who has a strong faith basis for their practice.

Keep in mind the field of counseling is no more immune to bad apples than those of law, or medicine.

This is the study of temperament at its deepest core. Can you identify the projected temperaments of theses notable persons by their responce to the question?

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

John McCain: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation an dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

Hillary Clinton: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from DAY ONE!— that every chicken in the country gets the chance it dieserves to cross the road. But then, this isn’t about me…

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the promblem on THIS side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his CURRENT problems before adding NEW problems.

Oprah: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn form his mistakes and take falls, which is part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car  so that he can just drive accross the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our sid of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

Anderson Cooper - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

John Kerry: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he GUILTY! You can see it in his eys and the way he walks.

Pat Buchanan: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

Martha Stewart: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird game men any insider information.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road: Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

Ernest Hemingway: To die in the rain. Alone.

Jerry Falwell: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination and that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and simple ast that.

Grandpa: In myh day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road and that was good enough.

Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new plant form is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%…..Reboot.

Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Al Gore: I invented the chicken!

Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?

Dick Cheney: Where’s my gun?

Al Sharpton: Why are all the chickens WHITE? We need some BLACK chickens.

Author Unknown

Does anybody know the psychology of why this ancient bit of humor continues to reinvent itself throughout the ages?